An open letter to Mick Jagger by my friend Meli Georgiades OR Hey Man, I Can’t Get No Satisfaction Either

Oh Mick-

I’m all for sex. Really, I am.

But I do have a problem with guys who use their music to get laid and then lie about it. It’s a matter of artistic integrity….

And that’s why I have a bone to pick with you Mr. Mick Jagger. Yes, I have a problem with you and the song that brought you, a huge British rock star, to the top of the American charts as well. You know what I’m talking about- “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction.”

You have always acted like that song is an attack on the status quo, with references to sex, of course, but you always highlight the so-called anti-commercialism verses as just as important. A lovely little social commentary isn’t it…

Fess up. We all know what you were really trying to say to the American chicks. I would put it as something like this: “I’m not getting enough. Please help!” Do you really expect us to believe that in 1965 as a British rock star with four American tours under your belt you were really having any problems getting that belt off? In 1965 no less- American girls were giving it up gladly, and to you- gratefully.

Here’s the dead giveaway: You changed a line in the third chorus from “I can’t get no satisfaction” to “I can’t get no [?]” I’ve always thought that lyric was “I can’t get no girly action” and read that its actually “girl with action” or “girl reaction”. It’s the most telling lyric of the song however you hear it because it’s the only line that no one would really believe. Dare I call it a blatant lie?

But when I looked up the lyrics on the official Rolling Stones website, that lyric was mysteriously missing. Why wouldn’t you include it? Are you hiding it from us? We have ears; that’s why we love you in the first place.

Your song reminds me of the gimmick that some assholes use to get laid- the one where they pretend to be gay, so they can play to a girls ego and say “Oh baby- you’re the one that turned me. I didn’t know it could be so good!”

Well “Satisfaction” is kinda like that. You’re pretending like you’re not getting enough, and what you are getting is not enough to satisfy you. It’s a challenge to your female fans’ egos. All of a sudden everyone wanted to be the one to satisfy you Mick.

Actually, I wish I wrote “Satisfaction”. Because coming from me or one of my chick friends it could actually be true. We’re young and we’re hot as hell but do you think the men we let in are getting the job done? Most of them don’t care and it seems like the rest honestly don’t know how.

Maybe you and I are the same then. Because I can’t get no satisfaction either, man.

So congratulations, Mick. “Satisfaction” made you a ton of cash and a huge rock star, but it also made you a misogynist pig.

Deepest congratulations,

Meli

Go on, girl.

Last nights winners were:
Round 1-TBA
Round 2: The Unholy Schmoos
Round 3: The Unholy Schmoos


And I don't care what you think, Van Halen IS yacht rock.